a man can only take so much
i would drive hundreds of miles and across state lines while on a trip
from a cracker barrel on tuesday to a cracker barrel on wednesday
and though separated by much space and a little time, both greeted me the same
like two portals to the same place
grandma and grandpa’s general store with a modern spin
glass bottles of soda straight ahead, sold individually or by the half-dozen
an icy barrel for the same drinks cold
and a desk to the left that welcomed me into the main event
i might be driving into an unfamiliar campground that very night
i once even slept in my camperized car in a cracker barrel parking lot
tucked among the RVs and with manager approval
a chance to experience a dying tradition
cracker barrel offered familiarity amid the strange, like a grounding rod
a long wooden counter on the left wall to pay for meals, treats, and toys
and throughout the store these islands of stability
islands of knickknacks, candy, clothes, decor, and novelties
i would talk to employees about the lore of these duplicate islands
the methods and the means of how
they arranged them to maintain the illusion that cracker barrel is not many stores
but one
one store connected by portal-like wooden doors among rocking chairs and checkers
overlooking highways and fields and mountains and parking lots and prairies
all of america bound and packaged into something so alike yet always feeling unique
there was no place like the old cracker barrel except the next cracker barrel
the restrooms placed to the right of the soda wall
splitting off left and right
exactly the same
i would go eat in the calming dining room
sometimes a fire burned or hurricane oil lamps lit the tables
the dark lattice walls always held different treasures
ads and tools and old pictures
something to remind me that I too am but a link in a long chain of humanity
living and eating and laughing and creating and smiling
like the road, human life keeps going on and on and on
and even yesterday can persist in the hands of a vast corporate chain with public stock
america upon america
one country cracker barrel had an elderly gentleman regular
the waitresses would sit and talk to him
one nipping tater tots off his plate like she was his granddaughter
he went out every night, and many nights a week stopped at cracker barrel
he asked about their days and their lives, and they talked to him
they talked to him
they talked to him
they talked to him
you could see it in their eyes and their manners
this was not customer service
this was familiarity and friendship
this was his gentle community
they wanted him back and said so
community in a place that looked like every other cracker barrel across the highways
with chairs and tables where you could see the grain in the honey-colored wood
with little triangle games that would call you names if you lost
with biscuits in baskets and vinegar in pitchers
with turnip greens and fried apples
and this elderly man burning the last of his torch at cracker barrel was not unusual
others like him came to this country cracker barrel that was their old country store
they talked to them too
what a world, what a world, what a world
i’ve introduced and re-introduced friends to cracker barrel
young men who loved it
who found in cracker barrel a strange nostalgia
a portal to a curated vision of a time that was and perhaps never was
even amid the novelty signs and imported snow globes
i sat at cracker barrel with a friend and the older fellow next to us dropped his receipt
i reached down and gave it to him, making some kind of quip
turned out he was a believer, and he often came to cracker barrel
ever since his wife died
he gave us a gift card to cracker barrel
for no other reason than to brighten our day
he said he carried them for that purpose
he said he often told others about Jesus
that he wanted people to know Jesus loves them
it was a brief conversation with a man who had a gentle, wistful manner
in a cracker barrel soon doomed to change
it began with the hiring of a former ceo of taco bell
anyone will tell you taco bell is a model for a place like cracker barrel
now taco bell is what it is
i think sometimes it still has great plastic murals of hidden tacos and burritos
it did once
but cracker barrel needed something, they said
was that better food or improved value in the menu, perhaps?
was that better care for the workers who care for the customers, perhaps?
was that a pitch to america about what cracker barrel is and could be, perhaps?
no
how silly
spotlights in the store, like a slick showroom
don’t you feel a warm, nostalgic glow in a showroom?
redesign of the dining room
no more dark, reassuring lattice walls to make it feel like a lodge or a den
brighter, whiter lattice with less on the walls
more open
less warm
vinyl booths
vinyl booths
vinyl booths
and dark chairs and tables where you cannot see the grain
taco bell has come to cracker barrel
i would visit the old cracker barrels
ones just before the redesign
and i would ask whether it was coming
for i had already seen the results of their dreadful experimentation
a month from now, they said
like dining with a dying man
a warm smile across the table from you, about to be replaced
replaced by a younger, harder, colder fellow
with eyes that want you to pay and leave
rather than make a place where you wish to linger
or so it seems
goodbye, cracker barrel
i will return, but don’t expect me so often
it is hard to see you like this
your logo change is but the latest log
in the fire you have built for yourself
and upon which you throw yourself
perhaps you shall rise phoenix-like from the ashes of distaste
i hope so
i hope you don’t go away
but the new botoxed face you wear is no small thing
it was never just about the food or the sodas or the consistency
all that can be done and is done
better, even
it was about cracker barrel being cracker barrel
unapologetically an old country store
unapologetically itself
with rocking chairs and wood grain and an atmosphere unlike any other chain
but i have only one question now
one question that i almost dare not ask
how much longer will you still call me an eg-no-ra-moose when i lose the triangle game?
i fear that too will be deemed not trendy enough for the old country store
deciding where to eat will be even harder now, but what if a subscription service could make all the decisions you don’t want to make?
i explore that concept in my beautiful little story the deciding service. decide to check it out below. i even use punctuation and capital letters in it! (honest, this isn’t like me at all to not use them…)